Champers!

HI, IT'S ME HARRIET. YOU %&$#@ ALRIGHT?
SO AFTER GREECE I $%&@# HEADED OVER TO FRANCE, WANTED TO CHECK OUT SOME OF THAT %&#!$ FRENCH PLONK!
SO I WENT TO &%#$ CHAMPAGNE CAUSE' I LIKE THAT BUBBLY STUFF.
I WENT TO A @*#$%& BIG WINERY CALLED MOWAY & SHANDON. MAN IT WAS @*$%&# BORING AND THERE WERE NO FREE SAMPLES SO I WAS REALLY @&%#!% OFF! SO I WAS OUTTA THERE LIKE #$&%!
SO I WENT TO PARIS TO CHECK OUT MONA LISA, AND MAN, IS IT &%$#@ SMALL!
AND FRENCH BEER IS NOT ALL THAT GREAT, %$&#@ WEASEL @$%&!
SO ALL IN ALL THE PLACE WAS A @&%$# LETDOWN.
I WAS @&%$# SOBER ALMOST THE WHOLE TIME I WAS THERE...WHAT THE $%&#@*!!
BUT ON MY LAST NIGHT THERE I MET UP WITH SOME RUSSIANS WHO TOOK ME TO A RUSSIAN BAR AND WE DRANK OURSELVES %&$#@* VODKA SILLY! @*#%&$ GREAT!
SEE YOU LATER THEN MATE!

Greece...%&$#@* brilliant!

HARRIET HERE, HOW THE %&$# ARE YA?!!
SO I WAS GONNA CONTINUE TELLING YOU ABOUT MY BIG %&$#@* OE !
I WENT TO GREECE AFTER GERMANY CAUSE' I HEARD THEY HAD THIS &%$@ GREAT DRINK THERE CALLED 'OUZO'.
MY QUEST FOR %$&#@ BOOZE NEVER ENDS!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!
SO I WENT THERE AND HEADED STRAIGHT FOR A `*%$&# BAR!
%&$"#@* A, THAT OUZO IS %$#@* GOOD $&%#!! MUST HAVE DRANK CRAP LOADS OF IT CAUSE I USED UP ALL OF THE MONEY IN MY @&%$# WALLET AND HAD TO USE MY &%$#@ CREDIT CARD! HAHAHAHA!
I HAD A GOOD LOOK AROUND GREECE TOO, %&$# BRILL PLACE AND @%&$ IS THE FOOD GOOD TOO!!
I MET UP WITH THESE AUSSIES AND WE WENT TO CRETE TO CHECK OUT WW2 HISTORICAL SITES.
HAHAHAAHAHA!
LIKE $%&# WE DID!!
WE DID A PUB CRAWL ACROSS THE ISLAND, DRINKING ONLY OUZO AND EATING SOUVLAKI!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!
THAT OUZO I'M TELLIN' YA, %&$#@ BRILL STUFF...GET SOME IN YA!
ANYWAYS, THE REST OF GREECE IS A BIT FUZZY SO IT MUST HAVE BEEN A &%#@#& BRILL TOUR! HAHAHA!
I REALLY WANNA GO THERE AGAIN, SO AS SOON AS I PAY OFF MY CREDIT CARD BILL I WILL! &%$# A!
HAVE YOURSELF A GOOD ONE YA MUGS!
BRAGGHXX! OOH YEAH!

My #%&@! OE!

HEY! HOW THE #%&@& ARE YA?! IT'S ME, HARRIET.
BEEN A `$&#!% LONG TIME SINCE I LAST SAW YA!
MISS ME YA PONCES?!
I WENT AWAY SEE, DECIDED TO DO A `%$#"*! WORLD TRIP...BIG &%$#@ OE!
FIRST %&$#@ STOP WAS GERMANY, WANTED TO GO TO THE @&%#!$ OKTOBERFEST.
MAN! DID I HAVE &%@#$ FUN THERE !!
THEY HAVE THESE &%$@#% HUGE BEER STEINS RIGHT, REAL BIG $%&@ THINGS, AND THE BEER WAS TASTY!! DRANK MYSELF $#%&@ SILLY I DID.
THERE WERE THESE &%$@# PASTY LOOKIN' BRITS AT THE NEXT TABLE BOASTING THEY COULD DRINK 5 STEINS IN ONE @#$%& MINUTE, SO I WENT OVER THERE AND CHALLENGED THEM TO A DRINKING CONTEST.
HA! DID THEY LOSE BADLY, FINISHED MY @&$#% 6TH STEIN JUST AS TIME WAS UP AND THE &%$@# LOSERS WERE ON THEIR 3RD!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
THAT'S BASICALLY %&@#$ ALL I REMEMBER OF GERMANY. DO SEEM TO &%$# REMEMBER SOMETHING ABOUT A GERMAN PUB CRAWL...MUST HAVE BEEN %&@#* BRILLIANT!!
YEAH SO I'LL TELL YOU &%$@ MORE LATER.
BROUGHT SOME GERMAN BEER BACK WITH ME...BRAGGHXXX!!
DAMN &%$@# GOOD STUFF!
SALUT!

Vulcan nerve pinch

HEY! HOW THE %&$#@ ARE YA?
I'M PRETTY %#$@} GOOD MYSELF.
JUST BEEN TO A MOVIE, CAN'T REMEMBER WHAT IT WAS NOW, BUT IT WAS @$%&# GOOD.
ALTHOUGH THERE WAS THIS BERK IN FRONT OF ME YAKKIN' HIS *&%$# HEAD OFF SO I GAVE HIM A VULCAN NERVE PINCH, KNOCKED HIM OUT FOR THE REST OF THE MOVIE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
I SNUCK A BOTTLE OF JIM BEAM IN AND MIXED IT WITH MY @&%$#* $5 LARGE COKE...RIPOFF!
BUT I HAD MYSELF A @&%$# EXCELLENT TIME.
I THINK THE MOVIE HAD GEORGE CLOONEY INNIT...OR WAS IT BRAD PITT? @$%&#* IF I KNOW!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
BRRRAGGGHHHHXXX
OOPS! THOSE $5 COKES SURE DO HAVE SOME BUBBLES!
HAHAHAHAHA!
@&%$#! RIPOFF!
CATCH YA LATER EH?
@$%&# A!

Mr Toupee

HEEEEYY! HOW YA DOIN' YA %$#@& MUGS YA?!
I'M PRETTY #"%&!@ GOOD MYSELF.
THOUGHT I WOULD START A $#%&@ HOBBY I DID, SO I WENT TO A `&$%#!POTTERY CLASS.
#$%& IT WAS BORING!
FIGURED I WOULD MAKE MYSELF A &%$#@ HUGE BEER STEIN I DID BUT IT WAS %&%#@ HARD!
GOT REALLY %$&#!@ WITH THE TURNTABLE SPINNING ROUND, GAVE ME THE @%$&#!* DIZZIES IT DID SO I MADE THIS LITTLE MAN NEXT TO ME MAKE IT...SCARED OF ME HE WAS!
HAHAHAHAHAHA!
SWEAR I'VE SEEN THIS LITTLE GUY SOMEWHERE BEFORE, BUT CAN'T FOR THE LIFE OF ME THINK WHERE THE %$#@ I SAW HIM. HE HAS A TOUPEE!
HAHAHAHA!
ANYWAY, NOW I GET HIM TO MAKE STUFF FOR ME EVERY WEEK!
HAHAHAHAHAHA!
POOR LITTLE %&$#@!
BUT I HAVE A @&%$# GREAT BEER STEIN COLLECTION NOW!
CHEERS! SKOL! KANPAI!
BRRRAGGXXX!

Beer ice cubes

HEY!
HOW YA DOIN'?
I'M PRETTY &%$#!`* GOOD!
ON THE WHISKEY TONIGHT...$%#&@ A!
OOPS! SORRY MATE, DIDN'T SEE YA THERE...`%$&#@ NICE TOUPEE!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
&$`#* THIS IS GOOD WHISKEY! NEED SOME MORE O' THOSE BEER ICE CUBES INNIT...
HEY! BARKEEP, 2 #&%@$ BEER CUBES MATE! CHEERS!
CRIKEY LOOKIT THAT @&%#$ UGLY MOFO INNA MIRROR...OH WAIT, THAT'S ME!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
DID I MENTION I AM A PSYKA...PHYSY...PSYCHIATRUST?
YEAH I AM SEE.
AND I CAN TELL YOU YOU'RE %&$#@* NUTS! BONKERS YOU ARE!
NA! JUST PULLIN' YA LEG...
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HERE, DRINK A &#$%`* WHISKEY, MAKE YA FEEL `%$&#! BETTER!
OOH! HERE COMES A BIG ONE...JUST A SEC...BRRRAGGXXX
HEHE! 5 ONNA RICHTER SCALE THAT ONE!
BEEN GOOD TALKING WITH YA MATE, SEE YA LATER EH?

I am Harriet

HI THERE!
I'M HARRIET.
I LIKE JOHNNY CASH.
HE IS GREAT.
SO IS WILLIE NELSON.
THEY ARE *&%#`!& GREAT.
GIMME BEER.
AS I WAS SAYIN' THEY ARE GREAT.
LIKED JOHNNY IN E.R.
OH HANG, THAT WAS GEORGE CLOONEY!
GEEEEEEORGIEEEEEEE!
WHERE'S MY BEER?...THERE IT IS, %$#*` THING KEEPS MOVIN'.
WILLIE! WILLIE! WILLIE!
ON THE ROAD AGAIN, I CAN'T WAIT TO BE ON THE ROAD AGAIN...
BRRRHAGGXGH
THAT'S BETTER.
CHEERS.